It all began about a year after my fiancée broke my heart.Say it together, because it will be the last time you say it for a while: “Aw My first move was to spend a lot of time on my profile. So at least I knew the pain wouldn’t last past 7.30pm. ” one of a group of passing teenagers said, helpfully echoing my own feelings.I wanted to make sure it appealed to my target market: women who wouldn’t find me annoying. I have the records from those painful early interactions and I’ve shame-facedly read back over them. When we finally left the bar, I leaned in for the goodbye kiss / hug, but she was already several metres away: “I’m just going to go,” she said. If I write an internet-dating self-help book, at least one of its seven lessons will be: “Never give up.” Sure it’s in every self-help book, but as applied to dating, it is particularly difficult to apply.
“Now I have made myself sound a complete movie / tv dork, maybe you can write back and be equally dorky? To Aumnoi, I wrote: “I like that your one-liner is ‘please’, although I don’t know what you are saying please for. “Please please please I’m waiting for the one.” To my credit, I cut that one short. I liked them because they were usually secure and intelligent, would always offer to pay, and — importantly — were available, since men in their own age range were unfeasibly trying to date younger women. An ambitious 40-year-old business consultant came from out of town one Sunday and put herself up at Sky City Hotel so she could get through the three dates she had scheduled for the evening. And if, like me, you want everybody to like you, it’s awfully tempting to let that destroy your will to live.
I would send them messages telling them it is ridiculous that older women are called cougars when there is no comparable category for men. But if you keep going, at some point you get better.
You learn the rhythms of dating, where to have the first date, which of your childhood stories are the biggest crowd pleasers.
You learn that nobody is “good” at this — some are just better practised. I’m awkward with new people, especially women (and perhaps more surprisingly, middle-aged businessmen).
I have seen the sex surveys and I can happily confirm I’m behind the average New Zealand man in partner numbers.
But I had discovered the one place where romance is not denied even the least of us, and after a few months of trial and error, I reached the point where I was no longer the least of us. It was the night at Jane’s (not her real name) where I first noticed what I had become.
She was six or seven years older than me, attractive and financially secure with a city fringe-fringe villa.
One night on the couch at her house, after a nice dinner and bottle of wine, she pulled away as I started to kiss her.
“I hate to have to bring this up,” she said, “but what do you want from this? I guess I’d like to keep going out with you and see where it goes from there.” That sat between us for a good while.
” I was shocked, although in hindsight I’m shocked by how shocked I was. “I understand that,” she said eventually, her voice catching. babies, and [long, teary pause] I don’t have much time and [choking sobs] I can’t afford to just be messing around…
“I feel so bad having to bring this up.” The tears started then, and they were plentiful. if you’re not interested in having kids.” This is going to make me sound really selfish, but it was only at this point that I realised what a dick I was being.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating