Dating and fear of abandonment dating old spice mugs
This is natural, but if we are frightened of what we need then this avoidance in itself makes us unhappy...'Fear of abandonment' is a bit vague, isn't it?Sam (see start of article) had actually been diagnosed by another therapist as having 'abandonment issues', but again this is too vague.
"I continued to ask what he feared might happen and eventually he said:"I'm terrified she'll leave me! Being a solution-focussed therapist, I'm not the sort of chap to dwell unduly on the past, digging through old hurts, trying to 'get to the root of it all' through 'psychological archaeology'.
And I'll feel all alone in the world, as I did when Ma abandoned us." Ah, so now we were getting more specific."How old were you then? So often, that doesn't help beyond giving someone a sense of they can actually move on.
Of course, sometimes the past does keep tripping up the present, so we need to do something.
I'd be standing on a rain swept street corner - utterly alone - totally abandoned, lost... I never knew him, but by all accounts he showed signs of emotional insecurity throughout his life.
When he was four, his mother had walked out on him, his three brothers, and father, saying she was "off to get some milk" (aka "I'm off to be with my lover! For years after, my grandfather always somehow hoped the appearance of fresh milk in the house would signify the imminent return of his mother – which, of course, it never did.
"Sam, a client from years back, told his story and I was quickly reminded of my own maternal grandfather's early life.
First off, just because someone has abandoned at some point, it doesn't inevitably mean they'll come to have a morbid fear of abandonment later in life.
I've known many people suffer awful and sudden abandonment and years of loneliness and not have any real issues trusting or feeling secure in relationships.
So there is no inevitability to it - we all respond differently to life.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating