Dating when sober

Of course, then there are times when you see an alarmed look pass over his face. For me, this means passing by the men who check “regularly” under drinking or drugs (or who mention, say, whiskey on lists of things they couldn’t live without).

“A woman doesn’t have to sober but she has to be conscious,” says David, a 34-year-old sober actor, adding, “When it’s been established that I am sober and then we go out for dinner and she has three glasses of wine and is smoking an E-cigarette, that would be classified as not conscious.” The majority of the sober people try not to look at the dating pool as drinkers versus non-drinkers, but rather people for whom drinking is important, and those for whom it isn’t.

This latter group—a slice of society most of us never knew existed pre-sobriety—is the one we’re targeting.

We’re also looking for people who are living the way we are—that is, by trying to improve themselves and focus on self-honesty, even when it’s of the brutal variety.

” Jeff, my formerly-winsome date, was suddenly eyeing me with skepticism.

We were on a blind date set up by a mutual friend, so I had no clue what he’d heard about me—specifically, about my addiction and subsequent sobriety.

In that moment, as he gulped his glass of merlot, I felt adolescent as I sipped my cranberry and soda through a straw.The right moment to tell a date that you don’t drink is tough to pinpoint, I’ve discovered.Right after the waiter asks for your order isn’t a bad option. ” This question almost always cuts off, either because the guy can’t bring himself to say the words, or because I cut him off, not wanting to watch him grapple. And I am, and have been for over 12 years—ever since going to rehab after a coke habit turned serious enough to keep me holed up alone for days at a time. ” or “But you’re not, like, in AA or something, are you?Or even when your suitor is scanning the wine list and asking if you’d prefer red or white. Dating While Sober can be a hassle, annoyance, or even a burden. and New York—the two cities where I’ve dated since quitting—know what “I’m sober” means. ” with a look as if I just revealed I spend my evenings with Tom Cruise awaiting a space transport to Xenu.“I don’t drink,” I’ll say, always trying to make the three words sound as casual as humanly possible. But for most sober people, it’s worth it—mainly because we got sober in order to live as full lives as possible, a goal that includes finding the right mate to share our sober days with. When it comes to online dating, the drinking issue is typically dealt with up front.Sometimes this confession will be followed by no acknowledgment at all, or a simple nod. Profiles let you list whether or not—and how often—you drink, smoke, and do drugs.

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