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The big question is, why don’t I find this limitation confining?

Don’t get me wrong; anyone who’s ever made out with me will tell you that I’m passionate as hell.

But sex is something that’s common; particularly in the kink communities, it’s not particularly difficult to get. And the level of flirtation/innuendo is a beautiful spice for that.

If you’re open about your desires, reasonably personable, and are sapiosexual as I am, you’ll have a lot of options. Sure, maybe I’ll spend nine months hanging out with you on our once-a-month dates, getting to know each other… For me, “getting to know people” is an activity I find desirable . If and when we eventually hook up, that’s gonna be a wondrous new layer to what we share, and not the entirety of it. It’s not a process I’d recommend as standard for most poly groups.

This is for my wife and girlfriend’s protection, because I am a dumbass.

See, I have a tendency of assuming that emotional intimacy == compatibility.

Yes, it feels wonderfully cozy that we share all of these fears and concerns and relationship patterns, and finding your most sensitive feelings reflected in someone else is a beautiful thing. It usually means they’re as bad as I am, and that we’re actually going to exacerbate each others’ issues.

I’ve been known to dive head-first into relationships without checking for compatibility first, just sort of assuming that because we have A Connection it’s going to work out.

Then, after months of daily fights, me wringing my hands 24/7 about WHY WON’T SHE UNDERSTAND, and an eventual slow death by slices, I’ve learned that I need to spend more time getting to know people before I start getting committed….

if only so my wife isn’t obligated to play psychotherapist for me when things turn sideways.

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