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All your emails are read and the good TV is over for the night. You bring your laptop out of hibernation and start to scroll.
Unsure what to do, you open that dating app and start to swipe.
You see faces of potential partners wiz by and for a moment, it helps. We’ve all been in this moment – the moment when a twinge of loneliness spurs an online dating session.
Most people who have performed this late-night ritual will say that no, it’s not the best way to handle loneliness.
Any sense of hope for connection is wiped out with one, “Hey baby, you’re sexy.” You plummet back to Earth.
Online dating is a great way to meet people you never would otherwise, and it can be a supremely fun activity when you’re in a positive frame of mind.
But when you’re in a lonely mood, online dating can actually exacerbate your loneliness. There is a mountain of evidence that suggests loneliness is not caused by being alone; it’s caused by a lack of relationships that feel deep and satisfying.
Let’s discuss the top three reasons online dating does not cure – or even reduce – loneliness. While relationships that start online certainly can become deep and satisfying (many people find their life-mates online), gaining this kind of depth takes time. Technology is just about the best (read: most efficient) way to meet new people these days.
You won’t achieve the kind of relationship that reduces loneliness in an hour or two of online dating. Gone are the days of striking up a conversation with a stranger at the bank, and for most people, that’s just fine.
You very well may find your husband or wife online, but you won’t get the emotional benefits of a husband or wife right away. Give me a picture and a humorous tagline, thank you.
But there’s ample evidence that technology is the best (read: most accurate) way to get to know someone.
Knowing someone well is essential to developing a deep relationship, and there are certain ways technology makes that harder to do.
It’s been proven that everyone lies on their online dating profiles. In his recent book Modern Romance, comedian Aziz Ansari recalls interviewing hundreds of young people involved in online dating.
It’s also been demonstrated that people have a harder time gauging sincerity when layers of communication like facial expression and body language are removed. He describes talking to one girl, for whom “the process [of online dating] had morphed from something fun and exciting into a new source of stress and dread.” While online dating can be awesome fun if you’re in the right mood, it can also become a source of stress if you’re in a negative mood.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating